Here I am staying up later than I should, wallowing. Why? Because events that I have been working really hard to prepare for are cancelled. I understand the reasoning. It's not even surprising. But it's not fair either. I am an artist. I share my talents and that's how I feel fulfilled outside my family. I feel like a knife was thrown into my side because the build up and the hours and hours and hours and hours of work - creating, tagging, printing, packaging, advertising, photographing, editing, typing, painting and organizing - has just been deflated by a growing health crisis we don't even know enough about.
I'm not going into the COVID-19 debate of 2020. That's not what this blog post is about. This post is about the worth of a stay at home mom trying to be more.
Can I try and sell my stuff online? Yes! And I plan to because some of it is specifically for spring, which won't help in the summer when we *hopefully* will be able to gather in large groups again.
BUT
The deflated feeling I feel is what so many people feel like when their work goes unnoticed, underappreciated, or never even sees the light of day. Heck motherhood is like this all the time, as is fatherhood and raising children in general.
So I guess I am writing this post because I want to feel validated. And I want you to feel validated too. If something you have been working hard toward gets taken away, it's okay to be upset. It's okay to wallow for a bit. It's okay to not be okay.
I wanted to start on a group of paintings tonight that I was going to do at my show tomorrow (I always do a painting demonstration or two at this particular event) but I discovered that I had been looking at the picture (taken at an angle mind you) all wrong and I got the wrong size canvas. 🤦♀️ I don't even know how that happened! I have been looking at this picture for weeks! It wasn't until I started drawing on the square canvases that I realized they should be rectangular! Really? How did I miss that? So, yet again, my night was ruined - this time by my own messed up brain.
So. What am I going to do about all of this?
Tomorrow I am going to get my husband to work and my kids to school. I'm going to go to Hobby Lobby and get the right canvas panels for my project. I'm going to straighten up my house. I'm going to put away all the crates of paintings and crafts I have waiting to be loaded in my car for an event that isn't happening. I'm going to sketch and paint and maybe start a charcoal drawing I've been inspired to do. I'm going to go on a date with my husband for the first time since our anniversary before Christmas. And I'm going to get ready for a weekend with no events, no sports, no church and more family time.
Because it's okay to do things that are important to you. That give you the ability to be there for your family. That give you purpose outside of your family. YOU are important too. You have to take care of yourself so you can take care of your family.
Life goes on. God has a purpose. He's building us a mansion while we think we are happy in a cottage. He knows what is best for us. He loves us. Trust Him. Maybe my paintings will sell better on my Etsy shop or Facebook. Maybe I'll get book some parties or art classes. Maybe I won't sell any now, but I will later. Who knows?
God does. He knows what the puzzle looks like. We only have a piece of it.
So while I finish up my wallowing, I know tomorrow will be a day of creating. A day of starting something new. A start of a big change for our family - in a good way. Spending more time together is a part of the plan, whether it's part of a quarantine (if that's the direction we are heading in) or not. Family is what is most important.
So over the next few weeks I'll be working on some fun tutorials to add to my group and to my YouTube channel I have decided to call "Crafty Artist" I'll do a post specifically on that as soon as I have a couple videos up, until then, join my Facebook group and catch up on the videos I've already done! Pearlized Art Studio
